Shelter
by TheWillOfMythal
Summary: They are both hurting. But Alex is more broken. Guilt is tearing her up inside, and Piper wants to help more than she wants - and still doesn't think she deserves - to be forgiven. Vauseman. Rated M for PTSD.
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone!

So, since I have finished with the fourth season, and there are a few things that I haven't particularly liked about it, I decided to add a moment - some sort of real confrontation - that I felt it lacked between Vauseman before they could make up. Don't get me wrong, generally, the season was okay, there are lots of scenes I have enjoyed, but, since before I could even start it people oversold it to me, I was left inevitably a bit disappointed by a few things.

The way Vauseman made up was... fine, I guess, but not how I pictured it, and I expected that big fat revelation when it would have come to be much more emotional and for Alex to take much more time before forgiving Piper this time. I mean, we all know that when it comes to Piper, Alex would forgive her pretty much anything, but I was hoping this time would have been different.

I wasn't so okay for Alex to forgive her so easily (even though that re-branding scene was simply stunning). And I would have liked if there had been a slightly wider window during which Piper actually tried to gain back some of Alex's trust. She has fucked up really bad after all. And it would have been nice of her showing to Alex that she was actually _there_ this time for her, but I, at least, felt a bit deprived of that. So I came up with this little something.

I don't know and I wouldn't be surprised if someone who has felt about their maybe-too-quick "reconciliation" (and Alex's lack of PTSD moments - which would have been so interesting) as I have, has already written something like this, but here's my attempt anyway.

It's a scene that could fit after the revelation in the corn, but before the re-branding in the kitchen. So let's pretend that there are like a couple of days between those two events, all right? :)

Now, enough of my rambling :P I'll leave you guys to the chapter.

Oh, by the way, I'm keeping this story open for now, just in case I want to add a few other scenes or, if you have a request you would like to send me and for me to write about season four.

Also, I'm trying the whole third person POV thing :)

Enjoy

* * *

She barely makes it in time.

Dropping onto her knees in front of the toilet as soon as she slams the door of the stall open, emptying her stomach from what little she has managed to force down of the revolting excuse of pigswill that they have passed as dinner tonight.

The traces of the nightmare still cling to her consciousness, sharp like claws that pierce through the veil keeping apart the wakeful world from the one of the dreams, tearing down at that thin layer of whatever is left of her mental sanity and making her guilt, thick, dark, dense and sticky tar-like, bleed through the wider fissures.

 _A pleading cracked whisper for help echoes in her head._

 _The weak struggle under her hands makes her palms sweaty, but she still fights it, more forcefully than necessary._

 _And then..._

 _Nothing._

 _The resistance is gone._

 _The head lolls limply on the side as the lifeless gaze of who once was her friend stares into nothingness._

Her stomach heaves again.

Tears leak from the corners of her eyes as beads of cold sweat break on her forehead and on the back of her neck, running down her spine as icy shivers.

Under the buzzing noise of the nighttime lights annoyingly flickering on and off, the sound of steps reaches her when her stomach gives her a merciful break between one retch and another, and she rolls her eyes, drunkenly, waiting for the inevitable reprimand or whatever from the CO that has followed her.

She's way too drained and breathless to get sassy and say something like, _"What? Was I supposed to puke on the dorm's floor?"_

The last thing she expects to feel, however, in the moment her stomach stirs for what she hopes is the last time considering she has nothing left, is the soft touch of a hand on her back as someone crouches down beside her.

She's too weakened to freak out, but she still startles at the touch when a second hand pushes the hair back from her face.

"It's okay," Piper's voice, as soft and calm and reassuring as her hands are, comforts her.

"I got you."

And Alex just wants to laugh then, hysterically.

She doesn't, but when she speaks, behind the fake sweetness in her voice, the words are filled with the same bitterness and sourness of the taste of her own bile filling her mouth.

"It's so nice to know you got my back now, Pipes."

The hand rubbing circles on her back falters, but resumes almost immediately, so quickly that Alex can pretend she didn't miss the soothing motion for that half second, or that despite the meaning of that statement she didn't still feel a twinge of guilt when she felt Piper stiffen next to her at those words.

 _Whatever._ She thinks. Focusing her efforts in regaining her breathing, waiting until the images in her head start to lose their vicious intermittent assault, until she feels confident that her stomach has calmed down and isn't going to roil unexpectedly at the last moment.

"Do you need to go again?"

With her eyes still closed, her voice stuck in her burning throat and her body barely holding itself upright in its knelt position, a minute head shake is the only answer that Alex is able to deliver this time, but it's more than enough. Piper moves from her side, reaching up to flush the toilet before encouraging her to stand.

"Come on." She whispers, and Alex is too weak to fight off the warm gentle grip on her waist and elbow when the blonde helps her up from the floor.

Getting out from the stall helps her breathe a little more easily. The air is still acrid with the unmistakable stench of vomit, but at least it's not so strong in front of the sinks.

She turns on the tap and lets the water run as cold as it can get before rinsing her mouth and washing her face.

It helps a little, but never enough.

Clear pearls of water slide down her cheeks, dripping from her chin and falling mutely in the sink as she braces herself there with a heavy exhale, head deliberately ducked to not catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She can barely recognize herself these days anyway. And maybe it's better that way.

It's only when a towel appears in her line of vision that she looks up and to her side, where Piper is a quiet, distressed presence, one arm outstretched offering the scratchy towel, the other tucked protectively against her chest, like a broken, freshly branded wing.

She doesn't look much different than how Alex feels.

Dark circles shadow her eyes, cheeks hollow and gaunt, and her skin is pale despite the heavy work outside under the unforgiving sun.

After a moment of hesitation, Alex takes the towel and deliberately turns to face the mirror. Because _anything_ is better than look into those eyes, usually a blue that can change from a bright teal and cover all the shades of the clearest summer sky, now turned a flint grey-ish with concern. Even the reflection of the stranger staring back at her.

"How's your arm?"

The question is asked with the hope to avoid the whole "why she followed her here" thing, and with an edge of something that sounds like indifference as she dries her face, not so different from the one she felt when she first saw that horrid, angry, bleeding brand the first time.

But she doesn't feel guilty about that. Piper said it herself, over and over, that it was her own fault.

The silence stretches for a few long moments, each second punctuated by the tap leaking drops into the sink, and when Piper realizes that she has no intention to glance back at her, the blonde releases a defeated silent sigh.

"Throbbing." She admits, barely above a whisper, sounding embarrassed, ashamed even, rightfully so, and for more than one reason. And yet, those concerned blue eyes still won't leave the side of her face. Alex can tell because she can feel the heat of that gaze starting to scald her skin.

"Do you want to talk?" The tentativeness in Piper's voice quiets some of the rising annoyance for that intense - although probably unintentional - staring, but she still shakes her head with a firm "No."

Another sigh.

"Alex-"

The insistence, however, is too much.

Alex spins around, throwing the towel in the sink.

"I'm fine."

It's not exactly a snap, but it's definitely not gentle, and neither is the icy gaze that accompanies that sharp answer.

"This is the only time I puked today so I guess that's progress."

Piper winces ever so slightly, not with disgust, but with the same concern and compassion that is making Alex feel sick all over again. She really _can't_ tolerate carrying the weight of another person's guilt. Her shoulders feel heavy enough right now. Pushing her further down into her own seemingly bottomless pit of misery, making any attempt to grip onto something and crawl her way up again futile.

But that harshness isn't enough to stop Piper and have her to back off.

It's quite the contrary in fact, and Alex should have know better, cursing internally when Piper takes a step closer and then softly with those big, blue worried eyes of hers, she asks, "Tell me what can I do."

 _What can I do..._

Piper realizes what she actually said in the moment the words leave her lips, eyes closing tightly, features shaped in a wince as Alex's entire body stiffens.

The words feel like an old ugly wound getting torn open all over again. The memory of it being first inflicted pulsing like betrayal, like a barbed wire being wrapped around her heart.

It makes her nauseous all over again, but most of all, it raises an anger she didn't know was left in her.

This time she does laugh. A brief, awful, raspy bark of a humorless chuckle that makes Piper flinch.

"I'm sorry. I didn't-"

But Alex interrupts her before she can explain.

"Last time you asked me that, you _abandoned_ me." She says it as if Piper has forgotten, but she hasn't, doesn't matter how far down she has pushed that guilt over the years, deluded herself that she didn't feel its spiked edges poking at her insides, now is all tumbling down to her with a vengeance after the latest events and discoveries.

"Every time I really needed you, you were _never_ there." Alex rightfully accuses, and the truth in there gives those words even more bite, but Piper refuses to hiss each time a fang pierces through her skin like that.

Alex wants to take it out on her?

Fine.

She'll take it.

She lifts her chin and tightens her jaw with a determination that burns brighter than her consuming shame.

"You are right." She admits, swallowing down tears. "But I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere. I don't care how much you'll fight me off or how many times I'll have to tell you how sorry I am."

Alex scoffs.

"Why? So _you_ can feel better?" She guesses and then she smiles, a cold and twisted smile that looks so ugly and wrong, so foreign on her features that Piper wavers and... looks away.

"I could have been _dead_ for two months, you know." She says, laughing, and at that Piper's gaze snaps back to hers, so harsh and scorching that it could pulverize and melt stone.

" _Don't._ Say that." She grits out, trying to mask the sudden shakiness that has taken hostage her voice and the rest of her body at such an unbearable thought with a harder gaze.

But Alex doesn't listen to her, and is completely unaffected by that look.

No... instead, she just stabs deeper and twists the knife when she leans in closer and with the same contorted smile hisses her next words.

"Maybe then you would have given a shit about me."

The slap is actually a relief when it comes, is Alex's surprising first thought.

It makes her eyes water even though it is more noise than pain, but the sharpness of that smack and that little pain that Alex feels radiating and then pulsing subtly on her cheek is so oddly welcomed.

She is actually grateful. Because it succeeds in snapping her back onto herself in a way the cold water couldn't completely wake her up a few minutes ago, grounding her in the real waking world for the first time after that nightmare.

Piper's eyes glisten with a mix of anger and bone-chilling, stomach-twisting, soul-wreaking fear that has her trembling all over and make her voice crack when she speaks, even if nothing can take away the solemnity from her tone.

"I'm never, _ever_ going to forgive myself for not listening to you, for _not being there_ for you when you needed me, but I'm here now, Alex." She repeats, serious and earnest, before her eyes soften and sadden all at once. "I'm here. So _please,"_ She's begging now, drawing in a shaky breath that catches in her throat. _"Please_ let me help you."

Maybe it's the lack of sleep, the contrasting sickness and hunger in her stomach, the general exhaustion, Piper's words, the deadly certainty and sworn sacred promise that she holds in them and in her unwavering, pleading gaze, but suddenly, Alex is utterly unable to prevent a strangled sob to slip past her lips and the tears that she has been fighting back with all her might from welling up in her eyes and finally fall down her cheeks.

"I don't think I deserve to be helped." She chokes out, crying, and the words seem to take what little strength she had left in her bones.

She crumbles, unable to hold herself up anymore as sobs wrack her body.

Piper catches her before she can collapse on the floor, cradling her against her own chest and rocking her like a child, shushing her gently, murmuring soft words in her ear that only make Alex cry harder.

"I'm here," Piper reassures. "I _swear_ I'm not leaving you." She repeats, over and over. "I'll never leave you or hurt you again."

Eventually she starts crying, too. Soft, quiet sniffles that go lost among Alex's bigger heavier sobs. But that's okay, she can keep her pain inside and she can take more of Alex's.

She lets her cry until she has nothing left, until she has no more tears, until her body doesn't shake anymore, until she can breathe without struggling.

She holds her until Alex pulls back, looking wrecked, exhausted, but also... better, in a way, even if slightly self-conscious now that it's over, although not so much that she feels the need to pull away when Piper smooths out the hair from her face or wipes away the last half-dried tears that cling to her cheeks.

Once Alex is able to stand on her legs again, she guides her outside the bathroom and down the hallway, all the way to the dorms.

 **. . .**

"You going to be okay for the night?" She asks quietly once reached Alex's bunk, because everyone around is fast asleep, even the guard in the bubble, thankfully.

"Yeah," Alex answers, shifting her gaze around a bit awkwardly, wrapping her arms around herself and looking like she is pretending that she didn't just cry herself out on her shoulder, staining her shirt with a mix of tears and snot.

"Okay," Piper says, and for the first time tonight she doesn't argue, and it is only when she pulls back with the intention to leave that Alex seems to snap back from her haze and, so softly that it surprises her, asks her to wait.

Piper turns around and blue eyes pierce the darkness to lock gently with hers.

"Uh... Thanks." It's all that Alex manages to say eventually, and it's sincere even if mumbled softly and in a rush, but Piper still hears it. She doesn't say anything about it, even though she looks like she wants to, in the end however she just nods with a faint smile on her lips before retreating.

Alex stays there, a bit stuck, until she sees Piper climb up her bed, and then she sighs before slipping onto her own, curling on her side, facing the wall and giving in to the heaviness of her eyelids just after a few minutes of lying down.

Sleep comes so much easier after the turmoil of emotions, but she is just grateful that for once it is dreamless, and most of all, after what seems to be like the first time in months, surprisingly restful.

 **. . .**

It is the next day, when she returns to her bunk after taking the shower, that she feels something underneath her pillow when she distractedly sits down right beside it to lace her boots.

Her eyebrows knit together as she reaches under it where, sure enough, there is what turns out being a tube of vitamins - some supplement of sorts she had no idea they sold at the commissary - and a handful of bags of a lemon ginger tea blend used to soothe nausea and stomach ache.

She straightens up on instinct and, just like that, maybe on coincidence or maybe not, her eyes land immediately on the familiar tall blonde figure that is just getting out from her own bunk across from hers.

And the magnetic pull of that green gaze is so strong that Piper's lifts automatically to meet hers, coming to a halt, brief, but long enough to see the things held in Alex's hands, and for Alex to see the little smile that tugs ever so slightly at her lips, and the softness in her eyes before she turns and resumes walking, before Alex can think about considering calling her say or do anything, just left there once more watching her retreat.

When she is no longer in sight she looks down at the vitamins and tea bags held in her hands, still feeling a bit taken aback, although not exactly surprised by the thoughtful gesture.

Something stirs in her belly, but this time it feels warm and nice and welcoming, soothing and healing. Flickering, even if weakly and cautiously and almost timidly.

But it feels good.

* * *

 **I have to admit, I don't usually write in third person because I don't think of myself as skilled enough to convey emotions as strongly as they are usually more easily perceived with the first or second person, but I still wanted to try :) Maybe I need more practice. Anyway, here it is guys, this little Vauseman-parenthesis. I thought it would have been interesting having them interact in a similar way and, you know, for Piper to actually comfort and reassure Alex.**


	2. Chapter 2

Hi there!

I'm back with a new little update for this kind of "fill-in-the-blanks" story. Thank you for the kind comments you left in the previous chapter guys :) I'm truly happy you have enjoyed it and found it a nice and believable addition. It really is something that I felt it lacked between Vauseman.

This second chapter is about a moment that I think could fit after the re-branding scene. It's not as angsty like the first chapter, but there is still some hurt/comfort, and the beginning of the first real step to reconciliation :)

Enjoy

* * *

Alex has managed to make it to the dorms without getting frisked along the hallways. Not that she has been smuggling anything that could really get her in trouble, but still.

She has kept it hidden in her boot anyway, wrapped in the thin layer of cling film that Red has given her after she had expertly sliced it up for her in the kitchen.

"Why haven't I thought about that first?" Is Piper's half-shocked, self-scolding question when she sees the carefully wrapped pieces of freshly sliced aloe vera that Alex pulls out from her working shoe after she has helped her clean up and disinfect the recently modified brand.

"I remembered just yesterday about it, too," Alex admits, eyebrows slightly furrowed as she focuses on the task at hand, careful to not let the slippery jelly-like slices fall in the movement as she crouches down in front of the bed where Piper is sitting. "I forgot we had a plant in the greenhouse." She adds distractedly, and really, thinking better about it, and knowing Piper, she should have expected the inevitable question that follows.

"Did you take the bigger leaf? You know, because those are the ones with most..." Piper's voice trails off and then she stops speaking entirely, snapping her mouth shut when at that remark Alex's eyes meet hers, fixing her with a look over the rim of her glasses. The kind of look accompanied with a perfectly sculpted arched eyebrow seems to say, _"Seriously? Are you really getting nerdy-spoiled about this considering where we are and the very limited resources?"_

Piper has the decency to blush a little, and it is only because she ducks her head, diverting her gaze out of embarrassment, that she misses the little curl of amusement that makes Alex's lips twitch into a brief smile.

She just shifts self-consciously on her seat on the bed before angling her arm in a better position, stretching it out and twisting it a bit so that Alex can place the slices right on the newly window-shaped wound and-

"Ow..."

Even though she manages not to flinch at the contact, a soft hiss slips through her teeth before she can do anything about it, and of course, Alex hears immediately that sharp intake of air, doesn't matter how quietly it has escaped.

Skilled hands halt in their movements as green eyes veiled with concern look up to study her.

"You okay?"

Piper nods and hums, her expression smoothing out in confirmation as she gets more used to the foreign cool slickness.

Her skin is just still very sensitive to touches and sudden temperature changes, but it doesn't take her long to get accustomed to that sensation.

"Yeah, I'm good," She reassures, flashing a shy, embarrassed smile to dismiss any lingering concern. "It feels... nice actually."

And it really does.

Despite what her first reaction has been, it feels pleasantly fresh, and the natural gel of the aloe has the same calming, soothing effect on her tender, heated skin that she well knows are part of the healing proprieties of the plant.

She still can't believe she hasn't thought about this sooner...

At the reassurance, Alex resumes where she left off, folding neatly the cling film before wrapping it as well around her forearm to keep the medication in place before reaching for the wrap bandage sitting on the bed beside the rubbing alcohol and the other few supplies that they have managed to put together to clean up the wound.

"How did you get that?" Piper decides to ask, with a little frown that shows both curiosity and a shade of amusement when she sees Alex pick up the brand new roll.

"I told the nurse of the infirmary that I had twisted my ankle working in the garden," She says, leaning in a bit closer to wrap the bandage around her arm. "He gave me this after I asked for something to help keep it more still."

The silence that follows is light and comfortable, and Piper is more than happy to just watch Alex's dexterous hands work, moving expertly, and with that same confidence that she is glad is still a solid part of her core despite all that she's been through, and with an added carefulness in her touch that makes Piper's stomach flutter at each brush of those fingers on her skin.

"There. All done." Alex announces after a few more seconds when she finishes wrapping the thin breathable bandage, making a loose knot with the ends on the inside of her forearm, checking to make sure that the gauze isn't wrapped too tight. It seems fine, but she still decides to ask for confirmation.

"How does it feel?"

Piper is just about to answer when, in the moment she meets Alex's gaze, she gets suddenly distracted by the reflection into those emerald lakes staring back at her, and it is only then that she realizes how close they have shifted towards one other during this whole medication thing, and how Alex's hand is still on her arm, soft and warm and so, _so_ comforting.

It burns.

It burns on her skin so sweetly.

"Piper?"

"Mm? What?" The sound of that deep voice calling her name with that mix of confusion and concern is enough to have her blink herself out of her own stupor and remember what the question asked was about.

"Oh, no. No, it's... fine."

She looks down at the neatly bandaged work and feels bad that she'll have to unwrap it in just a couple of hours to remove the aloe, but at the same time she feels something warm and comforting filling up her chest, something that comes with the knowledge that someone has been taken care of it for her. That _Alex_ has taken care _of her._ Despite everything.

"It's perfect." She says, swallowing hard when she feels the beginning of a knot forming in her throat. Because this kind of treatment and attention is way more than what she deserves from Alex, but when her gaze returns to her, there is only the sincerest gratitude in her slightly flustered smile.

"Thank you, Al." She says, softly and earnest. The nickname slips in automatic, without her consent, but Alex doesn't seem to mind.

"You're welcome."

She, however, doesn't add the usual nickname or calls her kid - it's way too early for that - but there is a softness in those green eyes that wasn't there a couple of days ago. And for how simple, that sight makes Piper's heart skip a beat in its rush to speed up... Or... maybe it's the way that green gaze shifts, just for a heartbeat - so briefly that Piper could almost believe she has just imagined it - down to her lips.

 _Oh..._

Right.

She had forgotten how close they still are.

So close that she could just... lean in and do it.

 _But..._

No.

She doesn't want to rush and do something that could potentially risk erasing all the little steps that they have taken in the right direction during these past few days. Doesn't matter how much her belly flutters, and how her lips tingle just at the thought of having Alex's pressed softly against hers.

Maybe, hopefully, with the right time to heal, they will get there again.

The haze gets lifted once more when Alex, much to Piper's immense disappointment, diverts her gaze, clears softly her throat and pulls back, standing up and starting to clean the mattress from what little trash that they have gathered there. And before Piper can really think of it, she reaches out with her uninjured arm and gently takes her hand. Because she is okay with waiting for anything involving the two of them, for Alex to initiate whatever she feels comfortable with and be her choice about when and how, but she is not quite ready for the delicate moment to be severed so soon. She doesn't want Alex to leave, and she doesn't want her to retreat in herself when she was looking so much more calm and... relaxed even, in the last few minutes, where her dark thoughts have been taken away by the distraction of a simple task.

The unexpected touch, for how soft and tentative, is enough to stop Alex from cleaning up the trash of used gauzes and cotton balls, looking back at her with knit brows, and while Piper is very relieved that she hasn't pulled her hand back, she is surprised by how much courage she has to muster to ask what she wants to ask, afraid to receive a negative answer to a mere, weightless offer.

"Dinner is in a couple of hours," She says feeling so oddly nervous, and also a bit dumb for how that came out, as if it isn't something they are both aware of, but she pushes past the awkwardness with determination and finally asks what she meant to. "Would you... like to go take a walk outside together?"

"Oh..." Alex's surprised reaction is barely a breathed whisper, and while in any other circumstance - and before everything that happened - Piper would have probably reveled in the knowledge that she had managed to catch her a bit by surprise, right now she just hopes that the heavy thrum in her chest that her heart is doing, pounding furiously against her ribcage with anticipation, isn't audible under the chatter and other background noises in the dorm.

When Alex looks towards her own bunk however, pondering the offer and comparing it to something else she might have had in mind to do before dinner - like probably finishing the book that she has noticed cradled in her lap these past couple of days or something - Piper's stomach drops, her shoulders sag a little with the settling weight of disappointment.

She's about ready to back away, find a way dismiss the suggestion, lightly and with a nonchalant smile, because the last thing she wants to do is make Alex uncomfortable, when Alex's eyes return on hers, with so much hesitation and hurt that Piper can barely recognize her, and her breath catches a little in her throat at the foreign sight.

"I don't think I'm ready to talk, Piper." She says apologetically, shaking her head, voice strained and eyes starting to glisten with the same unshed tears that she is trying to swallow down. And Piper's heart _breaks,_ all over again.

"We don't have to." She reassures, soft and calm and trying to deliver all the comfort that she can just with the softness in her voice and understanding in her gaze, even if every cell of her being _aches_ to pull Alex into her arms and just... hold her safely there.

"We can just go outside, make a few rounds of the tracks, or... just lie down on the grass and bask in the sun." She offers without pressing, although knowing that it does sound like a tempting offer for a wild creature like Alex, who has always enjoyed laying under the sun, like a tiger napping in a lazy afternoon.

If Alex really doesn't feel like going however, if she prefers to be left alone, then she won't insist further. But she has to _try_ at the very least. She _needs_ her to _know_ that she is there. That she can split that crushing weight with her if she wants or keep carrying it on her own until she will have had enough of doing so, and in that case, she will still be there to pick it and her up before it becomes too much.

She is not going to let her just assume that anymore.

Alex tilts her head down, looking at their joined hands, her long dark hair shielding part of her face and with it her now unreadable expression, and while Piper might feel a bit nervous about the touch now that Alex has just fully acknowledged, not knowing if it is welcomed as it could have been before, not knowing if Alex is okay and ready with receiving it yet, she feels much worst at the idea of pulling back during such a delicate moment.

It would go against everything she is trying to convey, and so, instead of listening to the doubts and uncertainties that keep swelling in her chest, so tightly that is rendering her breathing a little struggle, she dares to be a bit brave for once, continuing to hold that hand in hers and starting to stroke the knuckles, ever so slightly. Just a ghosting brush of the pad of her thumb across that area where the skin has roughened up a bit, just like the inside of her palm has gained that kind of callous that inevitably form with a manual labor like gardening.

If that simple gesture could have a traduction for what Piper wants her to feel, that would be the most gentle and quietly pleading, _"Please, let me..."_

Another long moment of silence passes before the hand in hers gives a little, unexpected squeeze and then...

"Yeah. Okay..."

Is the definitive answer that comes at last, and if that isn't not only enough to make Piper breathe again, expanding her chest with relief and a warm wave of quietly spreading lightness, her heart swells with something awfully close to hope, that only flickers to burn that bit brighter despite her attempts to keep that potentially very dangerous flame cautiously contained when Alex's affirmative answer is accompanied by a more relaxed posture and... a smile.

It's small and tentative, but also warm and soft, and most of all so wonderfully sincere and... actually relieved and grateful by the offer of a weightless distraction.

It's barely a tenth of the full, beaming, charming smile that Piper was used seeing on that beautiful face and having directed to her with a hint of glimmering mischief, but for her, and for now, is more than enough.

"I would like that."

* * *

 **It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels a bit like the writers had Vauseman make up too easily and way too fast, so, in my attempt to "fix" that, I'm making them take baby steps. This must have felt a bit OOC considering how canon went down, but I really believe that Alex needed some time before putting her trust back in Piper like they did in barely two episodes, and I know that Piper, considering the circumstances, would have understood and respected that.**


	3. Chapter 3

Hi there!

So, I have noticed a bit of a stir in the comments. My friend Vausemaniac went a little passionate with a guest reviewer, lol, but it really wasn't necessary. I respect other people's perspective and ideas even if mine aren't always met with the same understanding.

But that's okay. We all have different tastes and preferences and ideas, some of us are here on this site to share them along with some imagination, nothing more. I'm not going to say much more about this topic, except that in my stories, and I think it stands for everyone else's too, always stands the "don't like it, don't read it". Simple. There are many other incredible and much more talented writers with fantastic stories in every fandom to chose from.

I wouldn't ever even remotely dare to think that everybody shares my same ideas or likes my stuff, of course not. But to those, many, kind, lovely, loyal readers and reviewers of you, that appreciate and enjoy what I come up with, and flatter me with your kind words, to you I can't truly say how much your words mean to me and how much I cherish all your support :)

So thank you guys, you are amazing :) And I'm truly happy you are enjoying this story :)

Now, with that being said, I'm actually here to give you guys the new chapter to this "gaps-filling" thing I came up with :D

It's still Vauseman centered of course, but I have inserted a bit of Nicky in here, too. She actually plays an important part. But I leave you guys to find out :)

Enjoy

* * *

"Gin."

"Ugh, again?"

Piper groans, but the exasperation in her voice matches the pretended one in her look when she glances down at yet another crushing winning hand of her opponent, throwing her cards on the bench table. Her tone lacks of its usual petulant bite, and her ego isn't half as bruised at the defeat as it would have been before... before.

"You are not so much of a sore loser today." Of course, observant as she is, Alex notices that immediately.

Piper just shrugs, curling behind her ear a lock of hair that has escaped from the ponytail with the gentle blow of the wind, which brings a pleasant warm breeze and the smell of grass along with it.

It feels nice staying outside, and honestly, she doesn't care that she has just lost her fifth game in a row.

Alex is here. Talking, and playing cards with her.

Although, "playing cards" is a stretch. "Getting her ass kicked" would be a much more apt way to properly address how their little amicable tournament has turned out like so far.

"I'm enjoying the company much more." She says at last, and it is only when that blunt admission is already out, that she realizes that maybe it could have been _too_ blunt. But when she dares a glance up at Alex, even if the raven-haired woman doesn't comment, she sees the corner of her mouth tugged into a little smile.

"You wanna re-match?" Alex asks gathering the cards on the table.

Piper already has the answer, because she is willing to lose a thousand times and get her ego beaten to a pulp just to stay here outside in this quiet peaceful moment with Alex.

"You bet." She assures with the glint of challenge shining in her eyes.

She cuts the deck when it is placed in front of her, and even if this time, when Alex deals the cards, she happens to get a few promising ones that could definitely help her redeem some of her dignity, during the game she finds herself distracted by... other things.

Like the way the wind gently tosses Alex's hair when another soft breeze blows their way. Or the way the bright afternoon sun brings up those hidden shades of dark auburn in that thick, black mane, and of course, the way Alex scrunches up her nose, purses her lips, and lightly knits her eyebrows in concentration when she puts in order the cards in her hands.

Piper loses miserably yet another time.

"I'm starting to think you are letting me win, Pipes." The accusation comes with understandable suspicious, but there is that familiar, soft, teasing inflection in the tone and a matching glint sparkling in those green eyes too, and if that alone isn't enough, just hearing her nickname fall from those lips after so long... sends Piper's heart into a full fluttering mode.

"I almost had it this time. See?" She defends in an attempt to distract herself from the feeling swelling in her chest, turning her cards around to show the indeed almost winning hand.

Alex's eyebrows, however, furrow in confusion.

"You forgot to take the joker out from the deck?"

"What?" Piper knows that she might have been a little bit distracted during the last few rounds, but she _definitely_ did not forget to do such thing before they started playing, and she definitely _didn't_ collect the mentioned forbidden card.

It is only when she picks up her cards to check, however, that she realizes that Alex is fucking with her.

Just like she used to.

"Ah ah. Very funny and mature, Alex." She mocks-laughs at her, but really, she is actually grinning, reveling at the development and... at the sound of Alex's deep chuckles.

"Here," Alex offers her cards instead, as in apology. "You shuffle and deal this time, maybe that's what brought me luck so far."

When Piper stretches her arm to take the cards, their fingers brush together ever so slightly, lingering for a few more seconds than necessary.

Enough for her to feel the warmth of that soft hand and feel a shiver crawls up her arm at the touch, and her breath catching a little in her chest in the moment her eyes lock with smiling green ones.

It is one of the first, real smiles that she has seen on Alex's face in... She doesn't even know how long.

That twinge of guilt that comes with the thought, with knowing that they haven't spoken for entire days when Alex needed her and she was too preoccupied with her whole nonsense going on to notice or think - care - much of her strange behavior to ask, is still there, poking at her from the inside, but much less insistently now that she has decided not to acknowledge it more than necessary.

They are trying to leave guilt behind.

They are both trying to heal and move forward.

Still, Piper can't help but feel a bit self-conscious under that gaze, or... maybe shy?

All she knows is that her cheeks have warmed up a bit and that her heart has picked up a slightly faster pace, triggered simply by that sincere smile.

"Maybe I should get a partner instead," She says eventually, taking the cards, clearing softly her throat, averting her eyes at last, just like she notices Alex doing too, in search of a distraction, and just like that her gaze falls not far away and on a familiar short figure with long messy, frizzy hair walking their way.

"There, perhaps teaming up with Nicky will ensure me a win."

"Two against one? Really Pipes? That's so unfair." Alex protests, but again, all she hears is her nickname, and the humor in that deep voice.

"Oh, please. I'm pretty sure you are sitting on cards." She accuses with a scoff.

And it is then, just before she is about to make eye contact with an approaching Nicky and officially waving their friend over and ask her to join in the game, that something suddenly changes.

Whatever smile and carefree warmth that was showing on Alex's features, get stripped off her in the instant she diverts her gaze and her eyes focus on something ahead of her.

And Piper watches, with a sickening feeling making its way in her stomach, twisting it into knots, as that beautiful face goes as white as a sheet, and as green eyes usually bright and vivid, dim to a barely recognizable pale gray behind the lenses of glasses, wide and startled, fixed on something in the distance, towards the yard.

"Alex?"

Calling her name to get her attention doesn't work.

So she turns to look in that same direction, but she doesn't see anything that could cause any distress. Just inmates walking around, a few running in the tracks, and a guard taking watch, fiddling with the loops of his pants to adjust his belt-

Realization slaps her in the face at once, and panic arises in her own chest.

 _Oh no._

The feeling is crippling, but she fights fiercely against it and is on her feet and at Alex's side in barely two seconds.

Alex, who has now her eyes scrunched shut tight, is shaking her head as if willing the images flashing there to just... go away.

"Alex, look at me."

Once more, the verbal request doesn't work.

And when she hears how uneven and shaky her breathing is becoming or notices the beads of sweat forming on her forehead, she knows she has to do something before she completely loses it. She barely restrains the need to reach out and take her hand, now grabbing the edge of the table into a tight white-knuckled grip, and shake her a little.

There is really no way to predict how she could respond to an unexpected touch during a flashback-panic attack situation.

Piper knows how to deal with those, how to help someone experiencing one, but acting on them, here, in prison, surrounded by guards, noticing that - _great_ \- there is another one near them, looking their way with a hint of suspicion, isn't definitely the best of scenarios.

All she knows, however, is that she needs to get Alex away from here, bring her someplace a bit more isolated, away from that uniform and noise and the sight that has triggered the memories and brought her back to relive those terrifying moments.

And it is then that, when she looks around as if searching for a way out, a solution, _anything_ really that could help, she sees Nicky.

Nicky, who has slowed down her steps. Frowning.

Who has noticed that something is off.

Who has caught the look of panic in her eyes when they shift once more between a distressed Alex and the guard standing nearby, looking ready to approach them.

Nicky, who, observant as she is, doesn't need any more signs of what is going on, even from a fair distance.

She changes direction of her destination and approaches the guard instead, promptly diverting his attention with an _"excuse me, officer..."_

Piper doesn't need to hear what excuse she comes up with.

Immensely grateful, she just takes her chances with the distraction as the guards turns to Nicky and then follows her to take care of whatever the shorter woman has managed to get his attention with.

Piper turns back to Alex and reaches out to her. Because she can deal with a broken nose or a dislocated jaw in case she would get defensive in her absent state, but she can't deal with her ending up in the shu or in psych because she wasn't able to take care of her. Like she has sworn herself to do.

She just hopes - and does everything in her power to assure - that her touch and her presence is not a threat to Alex when she touches her.

"Come with me," She simply says, softly and calmly, the exact opposite of how she is feeling, but she needs to convey those sensations if she wants to get Alex back.

She is even more thankful when at her invitation, not only Alex actually obeys and stands in between ragged breaths, but doesn't punch her in the face when she touches her, guiding her up to her feet and leading her just a few steps away, hiding behind the wall of the electrical shop, away from prying eyes.

Take a few steps helps Alex breathe a little more easily, but it's still far from anywhere near a normal rhythm and her eyes are still clouded, hunted by whatever images have started replaying in her mind.

And so Piper does one of the only things she knows to do in these situations to help her breathe.

She just takes her hand, so shaky, cold and sweaty in hers, and places it on her own chest, chasing her gaze, until unfocused, wide green eyes finally lock on hers, and apparently, the familiarity of her bright blue pools is enough to pierce through that thick red fog of fear and catch her attention.

"Alex, baby, I need you to breathe with me, okay?"

She gives the example, breathing in deeply, slowly, through her nose and out through her mouth, fighting against her own swelling fear that this isn't going to work, that it might not be enough.

But the sound of her voice is soothing to Alex's ears. Just like her reassuring gaze, for some inexplicable reason, it seeps right through that mist and eventually, after just a few more seconds, and a few more repetitions, the words sink in too.

Alex's first deep breath is shaky and choked, it rasps her throat in a strangled cough, and makes her lift her hand up and around her neck as if trying to free it from something that isn't there, something tightening, keeping her from breathing.

Like a belt. Laced around it.

Piper swallows thickly at that thought, but pushes it away instantly, because she absolutely can't panic herself, instead she focuses on repeating Alex to keep breathing with her, voice calm and controlled, soft and soothing, holding her other hand to prevent her from reaching up again and unconsciously choke herself. Because she would. The grip is so strong that her bones grind together, and in any other circumstance it would be enough to make her hiss and pull her hand away in a shock of pain, but right now she barely registers it.

With her simple instructions and gentle reassurances, the next deep breath comes out much smoother even if shorter, but the one after that is almost as long as her own, as it is the next and the one after that.

"You are doing good Alex." She encourages. "Keep going." The crushing grip on her hand starts to lose strength, just like the tension in those shoulders does with each exhale. "That's right baby."

It takes her another minute, during which Alex closes her eyes and focuses entirely on the sound of her voice and on her own breathing.

Alabaster skin starts to regain its usual tone, the hand in hers goes almost limp, and the pulse that Piper can feel thrumming under her fingertips returns to a much more acceptable rate.

She wishes she had a bottle of water with her to make her take a few sips. But Alex is doing so very good, and she repeats that to her.

After one last, long, very deep breath, green eyes flutter open once more, clearing like the sky after a quick, passing summer storm. The haze lifts, and after blinking away the remaining traces, she is finally able to focus and see.

"Pipes?" She croaks, and it takes _everything_ to Piper to not break, like her heart inevitably does, at the sound of the vulnerability - and surprise as she looks around as if only now registering where they are after her blackout - lingering in her voice.

Instead, Piper smiles even if through teary eyes, and nods, struggling to swallow down the lump in her throat.

"Yeah. It's me sweetie." She says, confident enough that the worst has passed, bringing a hand up to stroke her dark hair when Alex leans her head against her shoulder and takes in a shuddering breath.

"I'm sorry, I..."

But that unnecessary apology gets shushes immediately.

"It's okay. You're going to be okay." It's both a promise and a certainty.

"I got you." She whispers reassuringly, feeling her own remaining traces of anxiety slipping away when Alex relaxes under the soothing motion of her hands rubbing up and down her back, melting further in her arms, allowing herself to be held, to get her hair stroked, and her temple kissed, while she recovers and breathes in the comfort of the embrace and in that sworn promise.

"I got you."

 **. . .**

She finds Nicky sometime later, lying on her mattress and fiddling with the radio to find a decent station.

"Not much heavy punk rock or whatever to your liking today?" She asks as she steps into the bunk that is - thankfully - empty from any other presence beside Nicky's, who sighs wistfully at the comment.

"Maybe it's better that way." She says in greetings wordlessly inviting her to sit by pulling herself up and making space on the bed as she switches off the radio, wrapping the earphones around it and setting it all aside.

"That kind of music only reminds me more of when I used to get high anyway."

Piper doesn't comment, for now, just takes a seat beside her.

"So how is she?"

The question is asked with pretended distraction, and it's not a surprise, Nicky is not stupid, she knows why she is here, and Piper actually appreciates the lack of hard seriousness behind it.

Her mind goes back to a few minutes ago, to when she left Alex in her bunk, curled up with a book, looking much more calm than before, almost like the whole flashback-trigger thing didn't happen.

She didn't want to linger around. Alex feels already self-conscious, and probably not even for crumbling like she did, but for doing it in front _of her,_ and the last thing that Piper wanted to do was take away what little control that she had and impose her presence on her. Cutting off her air supply like it happened outside in the yard.

So she just left, even if it ached her to do so, but before she went, she gave her that small smile, the one that served as a reminder. A silent _"I'm just a bunk away on the other side of the dorm if you need me. If you need anything."_

"Better." She answers at last, even though, if she's being honest and considers the entirety of the situation, she doesn't really know how to truthfully reply to such question.

But Nicky knows, and she nods, with that same, smart, understanding look that shapes her features when she sees right through the doubts. Another one of her impressive skills of observation, which reminds Piper why she came here in the first place.

She reaches inside her sweatshirt's pockets and pulls out the candy bar and the few pills of Imodium, handing them over.

"You sure know the way to a girl's heart, Chapman," Nicky says with a widening smirk. "Or, well, in this case, the way to my ass."

A playfully seductive wink follows, and Piper smiles. Chuckles softly even. Trust Nicky to make everything light-hearted and give the impression that all is going to be okay with just a tinge of her undying humor, even when everything seems to be going to shit.

"I just wanted to thank you... for earlier outside." She adds, and is not even one bit surprised when Nicky dismisses the words with a lazy wave, in that "don't even mention it" kind of way. But she gratefully accepts the candy, and the pills, and the thoughtfulness of the gesture.

"It's the first time that happened?"

Guilt swells in her chest again thinking about all those times that Alex must have felt like that, must have dealt with that on her own. Scared and alone. Pretty much like the times she must have woken up from a nightmare, gone vomiting in the middle of the night, all without her knowle-

"Don't make this about yourself, Piper." Nicky reminds her with a gentle scold, seeming to read just through the haze that has clouded her eyes while lost in those thoughts, and she can't suppress the urge to squirm at the accusation but at the same time she also fiercely points out that, "I can't pretend that her pain doesn't also affect me in any way."

It's selfish.

She knows it.

And saying it out loud makes it sound even more so.

But it's the truth. And that, at least, Nicky seems to understand, and accept. Nodding, and flashing a small, inevitable smile that Piper already knows the meaning of, even before the words are said.

"That's because you love her."

She does.

 _God if she does..._

Her gaze drifts unconsciously towards the direction of Alex's bunk even though she can't really see it from where she is sitting here.

It is the touch of Nicky's hand on her knee that brings her back.

"She needs someone close right now."

"Seems like she isn't the only one." Piper points out, obviously eyeing her with concern, too.

Nicky sighs, running a hand through her messy hair.

"What Alex and I are going through, is not even comparable. This is me screwing up one more time and being unable to look at myself in the mirror. But Alex..." She shakes her head, for once, surprisingly, unable to find the words, and Piper barely resists the urge to say that's also part of how Alex is feeling, too. Even if what she did was necessary and defensible. They have more in common than Nicky doesn't want to admit; both struggling to go through the day without puking or getting triggered by something. Nicky's is chemical while Alex's is emotional, and in her mind.

Pain is pain. Only because she feels Alex's lacerating her too, doesn't mean she doesn't care for her friend.

But she doesn't want to start a discussion about any of that. She doesn't have the energy and surely she doesn't have the wish to do it, so she just simply asks the question that has been swirling in the back of her mind ever since their corn-reunion.

"You are going to be okay?"

And she, somehow, already expected the answer that Nicky ends up giving her.

"Eventually, I will." _One way or the other._

That's as much as she is going to get from her now, and she doesn't insist. Paradoxically enough, taking distance, giving space, is also a way to help in certain situations.

It is only when she is standing to leave that Nicky speaks again.

"Just..." She hesitates, blinks a few times and then sighs. "Take care of her, will you?"

Not for the first time, a part of Piper wants to get fiercely defensive, say that she is doing it, that she is doing everything in her power to help Alex stay sane, give her comfort, reassurance and all that she hasn't done in the previous months, that she doesn't need her or anyone else to remind her that.

But... Nicky's words hold nothing but her own concern for someone who she considers her friend, too, but can't be there for because she is going through her own shit.

So she just smiles understandingly instead, and answers with that same promise she has made to herself and repeats as a mantra.

"I will."

Because now that Alex has let her in, cautiously, but surely allowing herself to be... taken care of - for how foreign it must feel for Alex - that's all that matters to her.

* * *

 **Still a bit self-conscious about the whole third person POV since I'm not** **very used to it,** **lol. But I'm working on it. Anyway, they are getting there. It's difficult to imagine someone as confident as Alex, who somehow manages to remain composed even during the most stressful situations, having a panic attack, but PTSD doesn't give a fuck about how confident you might be. If she went through something like that is understandable, and during that scene where she and Piper were playing cards on the floor, she mentioned experiencing paranoia, micro-flashback and all that. I don't know, it may still have come out a bit OOC considering her strong character, but I still wanted to give it a try and experiment about how I think Piper would have handled a possible, similar situation and, eventually, succeeded in calming Alex :)**


	4. Chapter 4

Hi there!

I haven't forgotten about this story, don't worry guys, I'm just juggling between this one and my other Vauseman AU, although I don't have many chapters left for this story, maybe one or two more.

Anyway, you guys remember the scene where Alex tucked Piper in bed before leaving and going to the bubble? Yes, that heart wrecking scene that was so painful but so damn beautiful all at once. Ever since I watched it I've had the "what if Piper found out about that" question, and I have the feeling that if she would have found out what Alex was about to do, she would have been beyond livid. I was curious about how such scene could have gone, and so I came up with this. I guess it could fit after the group discussion in the cafeteria, but before the sex scene in the laundry :)

Ps. I noticed someone has left spoilers about season 5 in the comments, I have stopped reading once I realized it was an actual spoiler, just in time I think, but please, can you be more careful and not mention anything about it? I repeated it over and over again to not leave spoilers. I have only just started watching the new season and I'm just a couple of episodes in so far.

Enjoy

* * *

It comes out, eventually.

She doesn't remember how the conversation had started exactly.

How discussing soups and laughing and stealing glances at each other could have lead to this.

It's hard to remember anything with the dense red fog clouding her mind right now.

All she knows is that at some point, when the conversation had steered towards the previous night, something had unexpectedly slipped from Alex, something that was supposed to remain private, secret, something that was never meant to come out. At least that's what transpires from the look that has shaped her features when the words have tumbled from her lips, and from there, everything has turned into a full-blown fight.

"How could you even think about doing that?!"

Actually, "fight" is not an appropriate word considering that she is the only one doing most of the ranting while Alex, on her part, is calm. Unbelievably, irritatingly calm given the severity of what the confession that has slipped from her has started. Which only feeds her anger, making her more furious that she thought she would ever be.

Although, not even furious is enough to cover it anymore either. It's more like as if the confusion and shock that had hit first of all, and then the cold, chilling stab of fear that has followed accompanied by a rush of boiling scorching anger, have all collided together and formed this tight spring coil that has settled right in that space between her stomach and chest, tangled and pulling at the strings of her heart, threatening to tear it asunder.

She feels like she might actually throw up.

"How could you?!" The words resonate all around the empty chapel and not for the first time since all of this started, the thought of how ironic it is that Alex happened to have made such an unexpected confession right here of all places, flits between her erratic thoughts and even more turbulent, swelling, raging emotions.

She is unable to keep that feeling of betrayal that she felt rising from some hidden depth inside of her from slipping into the question, corroding through what she felt they had gained back during these past couple weeks like acid, eating away that thin fragile layer of reconciliation and leaving her so raw and sensitive that she could scream from it.

And she does, directing that shout at Alex, or at least as much of a shout as she can manage without drawing attention.

"What the hell were you thinking?!"

"Piper-"

"No!" Another shout, because she doesn't want to hear it. She doesn't want to hear some _"listen, let me explain"_ kind of bullshit excuse that she knows Alex was about to give her.

"You were willing to leave just like that? Without a word? Nothing? Did you _think_ about me at all?"

She hates it. She really does, when once more she inevitably make this about herself, unable to not bring up how, what Alex was about to do, would have inevitably affected her.

But how dare she?

How dares Alex even think about abandoning her like that.

But at least, the string of questions is enough to snap Alex into responding just as fiercely.

"You were _all_ I could think about!"

The shout matches her own previous ones, and it startles her a bit, too. But nothing shakes her to her shredded core like the tears that have suddenly, instantly welled up into those blazing emerald pools with that searing admission.

The firm sincerity in that look, the blast of those words.

It makes Piper even more livid.

 _"How dare you!"_

She pushes her.

But Alex, as strong and solid and unyielding as she is, even with the full force of her body behind that harsh push, barely stumbles a step backward, catching her wrists before she can start knocking her fists against her chest.

"I'm sorry, Piper."

She isn't.

Alex tucked her into bed and left because she knew, that if she woke her up to say something she would have never, ever allowed her to do it. Not as long as air filled her lungs and blood pumped in her veins.

Somehow she manages to slip her hands free from Alex's grasp.

"Sorry doesn't cut it, Alex. Especially if you aren't."

And she hates how Alex doesn't even try to deny that. Her expression so vulnerably open that it hurts just a thousand times worst.

"You are right." She admits, shrugging uselessly. Utterly defenseless. "I'm not."

And it's all just another testament of how much her character has frayed.

But the truth is that she actually envies Alex right now.

Because Alex is past the crying, past the panicking, past the fear, while she is just rendered a mess by this new, unexpected, accidental revelation.

Somehow, Alex has managed to put herself back together, is still trying to. A few pieces don't fit her like they did before, the edges have smoothed out a bit and some parts of her have been scraped so thin that Piper can see the glimpse of the hidden secret fragility that lies beneath through that transparent barrier.

The core under all of it is intact, but that morality, the one that the Alex had pretended to not have, to not listen to when she was younger and dealt drugs and didn't care for the possible consequences, who thought was so in control, have started to shine through. And, probably, that's what made her want to confess last night. What has been driving her insane. Her conscience. And why guilt has done of her its own punching bag.

The defeat, the resignation in her voice when she utters those words, is probably what cuts Piper deeper than anything else.

But there is one thing that she wants to know at this point.

One more question.

The one that has been the core that has triggered all the other ones she has asked till now, and the one that leaves her lips like a cracked, shuddering breathed whisper.

"Why?"

She is barely aware of the tears spilling down her cheeks at this point. Anger and fear have formed that something new and dangerous that has swelled inside her chest and is now in her throat, tightening further with every second Alex remains silent, choking her from the inside. Her heart slamming against her ribcage like a conscious wild being seeking for a way out.

The last thing she expects to see is Alex's lips twitching up into a smile.

A smile so similar to the one that she used to give when she was partially entertained, amused, and at the same time found something kind of endearing. But this is such a much sadder, broken variation that it twists whatever memory Piper had of its original shape.

And it is with that same smile that Alex reaches out and, so gently, with such an infuriating tenderness, brushes a strand of golden hair that had fallen out from her ponytail during her animated rant.

A whispered, very recent memory remains trapped just below the subconscious part of Piper at the gesture, and she just wants to pull away, to push Alex away, to get her angry, to fight her and pull out the remnants of the anger that she can still feel clinging at her insides. Poisoning her.

But she does nothing.

In fact, she may even lean - ever so slightly - against that impossibly tender touch when it lingers in that familiar caress on the shell of her ear before she lets her hand falls down.

"Remember what you told me back in Chicago when we were going to the courthouse?"

Piper does remember.

And she tries, she really does not to think about how technically what happened in Chicago is exactly what brought to all this. That finical part of her wants to bring it up, but the rest of her knows that there is no use now. That it is way too late to question all the "what ifs".

"No." She shakes her head and grits her teeth. "No, don't you dare giving me that excuse now."

Alex breathes out in muted exasperation as if she expected nothing else but that exact denial.

It's not predictability. It's just that Alex knows her, but that doesn't stop her from saying what she needs to.

"Doing the right thing, the _need_ to do the right thing is not something that applies here, Alex. Not when you _already did_ the right thing."

The way Alex straightens up, clenches her jaw and hardens her gaze does not add the weight that she tries so hard to put when she simply says, "I killed someone. How can you even say something like that, Piper?"

The answer is easy.

It's always been there.

A part of herself.

"Because I _know you."_

And just like that, the fierceness is back in her voice, pushing past the storm of emotions in her chest, the tightness in her throat, and falling from her lips with all her honesty.

Unwavering.

"And you are good, Alex."

She swears that she sees Alex flinch at that word, startled by the easy, pure sincerity with which it slips out.

 _Good._ Alex doesn't feel worthy of that word. But Piper insists, and repeats it, taking a step forward, reducing the gap keeping them apart. "You are good. And what you did, was self-defense. It was necessary."

There is no trace of doubt there. There's never been.

And she would be willing to repeat it to Alex every day if she has to make the meaning seep into her stubbornly dense, self-tortured self.

The light in the chapel has changed since they first came in here.

The sun rays seeping through the stained-glass window provides that much warmer glow.

One hits squarely the side of Alex's face, caressing her alabaster skin with a soft orange. And in any other time, in any other circumstance, Piper would probably relish at the sight, because Alex does look beautiful with that radiant half halo on the side of her face, but all she can see now is the hurt that lies into those green eyes, floating over the fresh tears that are welling up there and that Alex refuses to let fall when she speaks.

"Then why do I feel like there is something eating me up from the inside out?"

The knowledge was always there, the sight of it plain, but hearing that question out loud, hear the way that deep voice that has carried nothing if all the shades of the same confidence and strength that Alex has always embodied, is now strained, and cracks with pain... is simply devastating.

Piper barely resists the urge to step forward and pull Alex into her arms, swallowing and blinking away the blurriness from her own eyes before answering.

"Turning yourself in wouldn't have taken away the guilt. And it wouldn't have made you feel any better."

She believes it. But at the same time it's also very convenient, she thinks, that she has that answer ready to cover up for her own selfishness; her own reason why she doesn't think she would have been able to endure, here, without Alex by her side.

And Alex, ever the observant one, surely notices the glimmer of that other unsaid truth peeking guiltily beneath that compelling reason, but it isn't enough to divert her attention right now from making her own argument.

"It would have spared all the people that have helped me from being treated like suspects, or..." Green eyes look away, distant, and she has to try a few times to swallow past the thick lump of guilt stuck in her throat at the thought of her friend, before concluding, barely above a whisper. "Or being dragged away."

They have discussed this, right this morning

"Are you sure about that?" Piper asks, skeptical, because a part of her knows that Alex can't truly believe that. "Piscatella seems to have a personal vendetta against Red, and can you be sure that Lolly wouldn't have said something eventually that would have brought her down anyway?"

Alex really can't.

She can't be sure of that.

But she still wishes that she had an answer, something, anything that could tear down Piper's more than valid justifications. Instead, she leans against them with that guilty comfort that, paradoxically enough, feels just wrong.

At last, she ducks her head, running a hand through her dark mane that shines auburn against the sunlight filtering in, looking drained from anything else except defeat and frustration, and it is only then that Piper feels confident enough to approach her, taking those last couple of steps that were keeping them apart. A distance that she put to not be tempted to push Alex away again, get truly physical and instigate that fight that wasn't just one-sided.

But now... Now the clouds of the storm rolling inside her chest have lost some of their density, turning into a cooling, slowly settling mist.

Even her heart is no longer beating with rage, although it keeps aching at the sight of the broken woman in front of her. The majestic, proud, fierce, passionate, confident creature that she has always admired in awe.

This time Piper doesn't hesitate to reach out, gripping the hem of her shirt and tug Alex closer to her, but whatever lingering doubt about the touch possibly not being welcomed is taken away when Alex allows herself to be held. She feels a bit stiff against her at first, self-conscious maybe, but eventually, she melts, breathing out and slumping a bit under the comfort of the hands running slowly up and down her back.

"I meant what I said this morning, Al."

Alex pulls back just enough to meet her blue eyes, blinking as she recalls their conversation in her bed.

"I _do_ need you. And not just to survive in here and don't go insane with loneliness."

She just... needs her, in a way words refuse to come to her right now. More than the air that refuses to fill her lungs at the thought of what could have happened if Alex had confessed. More than the rush of blood being pumped in her veins.

"You looked ready to bite my head off two minutes ago." Alex reminds her, words quiet and slightly drawled.

"Don't believe that I won't do it for real if you even ever just _think_ about turning yourself in again."

She is deadly serious, but Alex surprisingly - or maybe totally unsurprisingly - just smiles, totally unaffected by that threat, lifting her hand and running the pad of her thumb along the line of her jaw, fingers just barely caressing the back of her neck.

"I forgot how adorably cute you get when you are angry," She says. "Like a grumpy, self-righteous puppy barking to get attention."

It's such an unexpected, odd choice of comparison that Piper's expression breaks in between the indignation and embarrassment that instantly flares in her chest, rising up her neck and tinging her cheeks red, eyes wide and mouth hanging open, mentally stuttering for a biting come back but physically stuck, and left utterly speechless.

She wants to pull away, but Alex is still smiling at her. Even more fully and brightly. It reaches her eyes and makes them shine like gems with that familiar glint of amusement that sparkles all the brighter in front of her embarrassment.

She looks on the verge of bursting out with laughter, but honestly, it is worth swallowing down some of her wounded pride to see that smile and that refound amusement on Alex's face.

So she just grumpily mutters some half-hearted insults under her breath and quietly relishes at the sweet sound of Alex's quiet chuckle, letting it washing over her like a balm that soothes the cracks that have opened and left her insides chafed during her earlier fight, and patches up some of the thicker fissures that had bled with betrayal.

It's welcoming, and for a few comfortable moments of silence she bask in it, but then, with the feeling of Alex in her arms, inevitably, the realization that she might have ended up unable to enjoy such a simple moment with her if someone hadn't already made a name last night before she left, surfaces once more, with a vengeance.

"Piper?"

And Alex feels it too. In the way she shudders and stiffens and fights with all her might against the dark thoughts threatening to drag her down that dark, cold, lonely route filled with sharp thorns ready to cut her open all over again.

She pulls back, just enough to look into emerald eyes that have turned a shade softer with concern.

"Please..." Piper begs, and this time it is her voice the one that cracks with emotion.

"Please, don't leave me."

She knows that she has no right.

Not after having done the exact opposite with her one too many times, and on top of that, she hates how weak and pitiful that plea comes out despite the strength that somehow manages to push past the hypocrisy and old stinging guilt piercing through her voice.

Alex doesn't answer.

Doesn't even stiffen at hearing that.

Almost as if she expected it.

Almost as if, after all that happened in the past minutes, she already felt it coming.

She just rests her forehead against hers, exhaling a silent breath through her nose. It brushes against Piper's cheek, sweetly tickling. And it is only then, when she tilts her head up that tiny bit and feel the tip of her nose brushing against the side of Alex's that she fully acknowledges how close they are.

It's undoubtedly the closest that they have been in weeks, if not even months.

So close that they're breathing in each other's air. It leaves her body buzzing like it has always done when Alex was anywhere so close to her.

It's like a magnetic pull. So overwhelming that she can't resist it. She has never been able to.

Not even years spent apart have affected it.

She can just surrender to it.

Leaning in, bravely, although tentatively, and just barely brushing her lips against the corner of the mouth that she has longed to feel pressed against hers for so long.

But she doesn't go further than that.

It's been hard getting reacquainted with looks, touches, not knowing when and if they were welcomed at first... It has been hard not to reach out for Alex, to resist to that pull, and it has been somehow awkward the first time she felt brave enough to slip her hand into hers, dreading to be pushed away all over again despite the slowly healing trust and new found balance.

But there is no awkwardness when Alex closes that insignificant gap left and their lips meet.

Reassuring and firm. Soft and warm. And so, _so_ familiar that it aches.

And in the instant they deepen it accordingly for more, in the moment the air is stolen from her lungs and her heart trips over a skipped beat, Piper feels like the Universe, after stumbling, has found its footing again.

Aligned back in place.

* * *

 **It's difficult not to imagine Piper's selfishness shine through in such circumstance, or the need to rant, punch and kick before the need to seek comfort would have surfaced after discovering what Alex was about to do. At least this is my own interpretation :) It came out slightly less angsty and** **maybe** **a bit more tender...** **Also, I hate to repeat myself all over again especially since most of you got the message, but please, no spoilers about the new season guys.**


	5. Chapter 5

Hi there!

I know it took me a while guys, but you know that I've been trying to pay equal attention to this one-shot series and my other Vauseman AU. Anyway, I'm back with the last chapter of this story :) Yeah, it's the last one, and yes, I have read all your requests about the sex scene in the laundy and... well, I couldn't turn down such lovely prompts, could I? :) Although, I have to say that I didn't make it smutty-smut, because that would have altered too much the tone of the rest of the story and I wanted to keep it about comfort, so, you know I tried to keep it balanced while struggling a bit with the whole third person POV thing, lol. Anyway, I wanted to thank you for being so kind with your comments, I'm so very happy that you have enjoyed the previous chapters and found the idea of adding these little "gap-filler" scenes between Vauseman interesting. It's something I really wanted to give a try and you have been so nice about it, so thank you guys!

A quick reminder, if you have prompts up until the fourth season (but not further, because like I said I have just started the fifth season and I'm just a couple of episodes in so far and taking my time with it) feel free to send me a PM, even if it's an AU request, I can't say that I can respond to each one, but I always take into consideration your ideas :) Especially if they meet my own headcanons about Vauseman.

Now I'll leave you to the final chapter of this one shots story :D

Enjoy

* * *

It takes kissing Alex, feeling those soft, generous, rosy lips pressed so gently against her own again to fully realize how much she has missed this.

How much she has missed _her._

How much the world has felt wrong without the compelling warmth of Alex's mouth against hers, without the touch of her hands on her skin; burning through the frayed thickness of guilt and unworthiness, making it crumble to dive in deeper and find the core of their shared affection.

It's still there.

Pulsing.

Beating strong and steady.

Unscathed.

As if nothing has changed.

The feeling catches in her throat. Still tight, but smoother, as if that unbendable spring coil that has been fastened inside her chest to the strings of her heart during these past few weeks is finally coming lose.

Relief and longing tug them free, making her able to finally breathe again.

She has to swallow down, hard, in order to suppress the sob threatening to slip out, just like she has to shut her eyes more tightly to contain the tears that are just there to spill free from the corners.

The tender pressure of those lips, growing to become more insistend and consuming, draws her into something deeper and less innocent that makes her wonder how could she have gone days, weeks, months, without the feeling expanding in her chest, slowly sucking the air from her lungs like a devouring flame, traveling all the way down her body, settling in her belly and melting lower with an unmistakable throb that echoes between her legs when Alex's tongue licks gently across her bottom lip before smoothly slipping into her mouth to embrace her own.

Warm shivers lick down her spine.

Goosebumps erupt on every inch of skin.

Her entire body feels awake, alive for the first time. Reborn. And for how cheesy it may sound, there is no other way to put it.

Especially not when every part of her - from the itching tips of her fingers, to the burning spot where Alex's hand has settled on the small of her back to pull her closer, or the other one cupping her jaw and tilting her head to the side just so when the kiss deepens further and the first, softly muffled moan escapes - demands for so much more.

Alex however, seems to have other ideas.

Or... maybe not.

"Not here." It's what she murmurs against her lips when an intrusive hand is already starting to sneak under her shirt and tug at it with the clear intent of taking off that piece of clothing and fully feel the perfect alabaster skin under her hands, feel the play of strong but feminine muscles under that creamy layer of softness.

Piper blinks and looks around, squinting when she is welcomed by the bright afternoon light seeping through the stained glass window, realizing that they are still in the chapel and that Alex has a point about not continuing here since it's no longer considered the best location for what their bodies are desiring from one other.

"I know a place." It's all that she adds before tugging her along, out of the chapel and down the hallway towards the laundry.

 **. . .**

It takes a brief arrangement and a stop at the commissary, but the price for some privacy and a lookout for the guards is just two bags of chips and some childish snickering and giggling.

Initially, it annoys Alex more than it affects her, but the distractions provided, even just the kisses she gets pulled into, the warm tingle of lips against lips, the brushes of noses on cheeks, the rising heat and fogginess that their heated kissing is lifting, are more than enough to make everything else outside these cardboard walls fall into a distant, slowly fading background.

As it's always been.

Easy.

Like the soft bantering and teasing that slips so flawlessly in between lingering touches and soft nibbles.

Even in here though, in a much more private, secluded place - where touches are starting to become more purposeful - Piper remains barely aware that taking fully off each other's clothes is not an option. It doesn't stop her from tugging at Alex's shirt, but it's just so difficult to remember where she is while currently getting lost in familiar curves, planes, and dips, in the softness and inviting warmth of the skin under her hands, begging to be explored further. To be relearned properly.

She just knows that she wants more, a need that is echoed by the slickness gathering profusely between her legs with every passing second.

It's almost embarrassing, really. Or at least she would be if it wasn't for the fact that it's been so long since they last had sex.

And even longer since she last touched herself.

But now Alex is here, her lips capturing hers again in a searing kiss as her hand makes its way into her underwear, groaning low and deep in her chest when her fingers are greeted by that thick moist warmth.

Even though it's part of her nature, teasing is not something Alex seems to want to indulge in right now, and not something she could do even if she wanted, given the circumstances, but she still takes a few moments to just appreciate the feeling of that moist warmth, the way it coates her fingers, leaving them slippery like the rest of the tender, heated, sensitive flesh she finds in between those fleshy outer lips, reveling in the delicate softness hidden inside and in the contrasting swollen hardness of the little bud of nerves nestled there, feeling it throb under her fingertips, pulse with a heartbeat of its own.

Piper has to bite down, hard, on her bottom lip to not release a pitiful whimper when Alex traps it between the length of two of her fingers and then squeezes, gently, experimentally, milking the tiny, hardened shaft between her knuckles.

The gesture is more than enough to send sparks of electricity all over her body, igniting every nerve ending, down to the tip of her toes, and making her squeeze her legs shut to trap Alex's hand there.

But it's totally unnecessary...

The last thing Alex wants to do now that she has felt that warmth, is leave it.

She has no intention to go anywhere.

But she still smirks a little at the possessiveness of the gesture.

"I'm here." She whispers reassuringly to Piper, who slowly, so slowly and tentatively, parts her legs enough to consent movement at that assurance but still clings to the shirt crumpled in her loose fist, tugging her closer, capturing her lips again into another kiss. Craving for that newly recovered closeness, for the weight and warmth and softness of her lover that was missing from her like a heartbeat.

When Alex starts drawing circles over her clit, Piper thinks she might just come from that extremely gentle, focused pressure alone.

Maybe it's a combination - both for the feeling and the knowledge that Alex is hers again, that they have found their way back to each other, that she is with her, where she belongs. All she knows is that her entire core flutters and another gush of warmth slip out from her twitching entrance, and even if Alex can't feel it, she certainly feels the way the hips beneath her lift, seeking for more, following her movement, coaxing her to keep going, to increase, until they fall into a very familiar rhythm. Needy, but not impatient. Because a moment of reconnection like this, is meant to be savored.

Or at least that's Piper's intention, to hold back, just a little, to enjoy the familiarity of that touch. But she should have known better than try to resist those extremely skilled fingers. And with Alex's encouraging whispered words to just let go, there is nothing she can do except obey.

The first time she comes it's impossibly soft and even if it's not particularly long it flows through her veins like a wave of relief. It's the kind of orgasm that needed to get out of the way and leave the space for the rest to... well... _come,_ no pun intended. Like popping off the cap from a bottle to allow the contents to flow freely.

Nonetheless, even in its fragile softness, it's still intense.

It doesn't knock the air out of her, but she still comes with a gasp, remaining breathless for those couple of seconds that the pleasure takes to shoot up her spine and course all over her body.

"It's been a while," It's the first thing that she says when she comes down, as if offering an explanation to Alex, still a bit breathlessly, and more than a bit bashfully when she recovers enough and realizes that it took her less than a minute to trip over that edge. Cheeks heated up with something more than the flustered pink that spreads after having just reached a peak, but Alex just smiles, that mischievous little curl of a smirk that Piper never thought she would see on that gorgeous face again, that smile that seems to answer to her excuse with a silent, promising, _"then lets make up for the lost time."_

Just like that, the touch resumes immediately, just as gently even though she is not exactly overstimulated, and the carefulness of each stroke makes her wonder, somewhere distantly in her fogged mind, if she is really worthy of such reverence, if she truly did enough to deserve once more the woman on top of her.

The thought doesn't really have a chance to fully sink in past that thickening haze that Alex's fingers slide lower, tips barely resting against her entrance, playing with the wetness gathered there, pressing just so against the twitching opening, stroking it up and down until it earns her a needy whimper.

"Please..." Piper begs her, _begs her,_ voice cracking up with the sudden, desperate, hungry need to feel her inside, a need that apparently is met with the same fervor.

"I got you." It's all that Alex says, knowingly, as if it's her turn now to return the same words that Piper herself has told her during these past few weeks, now said back to her with the same reassurance, during the most intimate moment or reconnection, something a hidden part of her was afraid she would never get to share again.

Even though she is more than wet enough, Alex is still careful, still mindful, when she first pushes inside, and the slowness of the movement both adds to the ache throbbing there, low in her belly, and shushes it softly, until it turns into something else entirely in the moment she slides and stills all the way inside.

It's both liberating and grounding. It knocks the air out of her lungs and leaves her entire body shuddering, head tilted back, throat exposed to Alex's wicked teeth and loving lips, and she can't even help but reach down and press her own hand against the back of Alex's, to keep her there, still just for a moment longer - simply enjoying and reveling in the feeling of her inside more than to get accustomed to the familiar intrusion - feeling her own inner muscles flutter in delight around her and hearing Alex groaning against her neck in response at the sensation.

God, she has missed this _so much,_ she barely has words to describe it.

But she isn't the only one left speechless by such glorious feeling.

She is barely aware of the whimpers and moans that slip past her lips in tiny gasps, and she is even less aware of the new round of snickering coming from outside that her own loud noises of approval have just earned.

"Fuck." But she hears Alex's voice loud and clear, even if it's just a grunt breathed against her neck. "I missed being inside of you, Pipes."

And at hearing that, Piper can't do anything except grin, as the same truth slips free from her mouth in a low murmur.

"And I missed having you inside me."

The groan that she receives back when she accentuates that statement by deliberately squeezes her inner muscles, is enough to make her shudder all over in delight.

With the first pending orgasm now out of the way and the space to receive so much more pleasure before falling over the edge all over again, she parts her legs further, making space for Alex, who promptly slips in between, straddling one of her thighs and using her own other one to apply more pressure on the back of her hand as she resumes touching her, pulling her fingers out of a couple of inches before thrusting back in.

Even though Alex has always taken a rewarding satisfaction from even just pleasuring, it still feels a bit selfish staying there, taking those few extra moments to simply enjoy the feeling of those fingers sliding deep inside of her. But when she feels Alex starting to grind, rub herself against her thigh, seeking for some sort of friction against her own core - maybe even not completely consciously - it's the only cue she needs to give in to the other overwhelming need gnawing beneath the greedy one to receive.

The feeling of her heated center grinding along her thigh is already incredibly arousing in its simplicity, but nowhere near enough.

What she wants most of all, what she craves for more than anything else, is to use her mouth on her.

Trail her lips on every inch of the perfection that Alex's body is, lick and suck at the hard peaks of her full breasts, run the flat of her tongue across the toned valley of her stomach, nibble at the jutting bones of her hips before dive in the heat of her sex and get lost in there, with Alex fingernails digging into her scalp, scraping at the back of her neck, with her moans and groans sounding like a symphony in her ears as the tangy flavor of her pure essence spreads on her tongue, properly savoring that perfect balance of saltiness and sweetness that she has missed like air.

Her mouth waters only at the thought of it, but she knows, regretfully, that today, here, she won't be able to indulge into that something that she knows Alex desires just as intensely.

It isn't even purely sexual desire. The itching need to taste her. Not completely. But it's driven by that something deeper and less primal that mingles with the search of comfort and reassurance.

The thought is pushed away when she feels another roll of Alex's hips against her thigh however and hears the echo of a groan rumbling deep down in her chest.

It's really all it takes for Piper's hand, shaky, and slightly unfocused in its movement, to find a way to Alex's waist and then slip lower, past the band of her pants and underwear, and she knows that the gesture is immensely welcomed when Alex grunts her approval against the corner of her mouth and then lifts her hips and parts her legs a bit more to grant better access.

The first thing that she notices when she dips lower, is that the hair that she finds there is a bit longer than what she was used to feel.

She grins, even brighter when Alex pulls back to look at her, for once looking oddly, slightly embarrassed, and Piper is pretty sure that she must be blushing a little when she starts playing with the length of a little strand between her fingers, definitely not missing how damp and slick the tip is.

"I... uhm," It's so amusing hearing Alex mumble nervously an excuse under her breath, something about having found no time to trim or whatever.

"I like it." It's all Piper says instead after enjoying the adorably foreign sight of a slightly flustered Alex, and it's true. The texture of the hair there is soft, the way it slips between her fingers tickles pleasantly, but most of all, she loves how the prize that she finds nestled a bit lower unfolds in all its smooth delicate warmth once she parts those already swollen outer lips.

"Piper..."

She would recognize the warning in that deep sultry voice even without the dangerous growl that follows, or the way those slim hips twitch forward in search for more when her finger happens to brush casually against the exposed tip of her hardened clit.

It sends a shock of pleasure through her entire system in response, and makes her clench even more tightly around Alex.

She doesn't tease her.

She needs this just as much as Alex does. Maybe even more.

So she simply wordlessly slips lower and pushes past the tight entrance with two fingers in one smooth thrust just as her other hand tangles in Alex's mane and pulls her down for another kiss, gladly swallowing the moan that she releases at the penetration.

Warm, soft and cozy.

The way Alex's inner walls flutter and squeeze around her feels like getting pulled into a hug after stepping foot inside home.

It makes her feel like she belongs there, just like she's always felt Alex belong inside her. Like a missing piece.

That emotion of longing catches in her chest again and the only way to get it out is starting to move. Feel more. Reaffirm what this is about.

"Alex..." The name escapes like a plea, a request, or maybe just because she simply loves being able to say it again so breathlessly, in the middle of the burning heat of consuming passion.

But Alex knows, recognizes the need in that tone, and delivers what she couldn't voice, feeling her pull out only so another finger can slip in at the next thrust. And the extra stretch, the light burn that comes with it makes her hiss in the most delicious way.

The magic spot inside her is still there for Alex to find and stroke so expertly, so exquisitely.

Her hips roll slowly forward, with a paradox of patient greed, her entire body arches each time she feels Alex reach a little deeper inside and the first muffled cry escapes when she feels the familiar curl of those long fingers against her front wall.

Soon, before either can even fully acknowledge, they start to move as one, pulling and tugging, meeting each other movements, completing them, getting reacquainted and basking in the familiarity about how right this feels, reveling in every small reaction, every tiny gasp and shudder, and while Piper might have been a little embarrassed earlier when she came so unexpectedly soon, she is not when, just after a couple of minutes, they come together for the first time.

But one time isn't enough.

Neither is two.

It's so easy to fall into the old rhythm, her body seems to follow the motions like muscle memory, providing what the other craves.

Not for the first time Piper has made the mistake to assume that time apart from the other could have affected something in their dynamic.

But when it comes to her and Alex, together, especially during something so intimate and raw, time is not a dimension that affects them.

It's never been.

The air gets muggy with the combined breathing and the intoxicating smell of their mingled arousal. The sharpness of Piper's smoothed by the syrupy sweetness that is purely Alex, creating that unmistakable scent of sex that fills the entire space, besides feeding the flame burning more and more ardently inside Piper's chest, traveling lower, slowly melting the new knot formed there, letting it unfurl for the third time, undoing it completely when Alex's fingers curl so perfectly over that spot against her front wall, massaging it like only she can do.

Once more, she gets pulled down by the devastating force of the pleasure that assaults her senses. Left breathless and unable to do anything except surrender to its force, drowning in its depths, and yet, somehow, her hand, her fingers, the ones still resting inside Alex, seem to be the only part of her still able move of their own will, thrusting and curling, palm rubbing against the hardened bud of nerves there until the inevitable most rewarding response gets triggered.

When she feels Alex shudder on top of her, tensing and then groaning, low and long and shaky, when she feels her clenching and unclenching so tightly that she has no choice but to stay still, buried inside of her, she knows that she just came again.

Her wrist aches the muscles in her forearm are sore, but this kind of exertion has never felt sweeter or more satisfying.

It's a slow climb down to descend, but it's made so much smoother by the softness of lips pressing kisses on every inch of her face until she noses her way to capture them with her own. It's a nice distraction, the same old one that Alex used with her before starting to pull out.

A few protesting noises still slip in between, coming from both, but it's all mostly wrapped in the blanket of coziness that welcomes them when they start to come down from that shared high.

She feels the tug of Alex's soft smirk against the corner of her mouth, and then plant the most tender kiss right there when she shudders at the feeling of the careful palm cupping protectively her overstimulated sex.

Such a simple gesture, but it's so soft and gentle and caring that her chest swells with a surge of affection.

It's difficult to focus, and part of her still doesn't want to fully open her eyes, it would feel like breaking the most blissful of moments to welcome the reality of where they are, but when she does, eventually, she is greeted by the sight of Alex, hovering above her in the partial darkness, and even if the post-coital haze is starting to fade, the smile tugging at those lips is the sweetest return to the world that could have greeted her.

"Hey..." She says softly, and there is no way her belly will stop from fluttering anytime soon with the way Alex returns her greeting by murmuring it with a kiss against her lips.

It makes her smile even more softly. She reaches up and caresses her cheek, smiling even bigger if possible when Alex purrs and nudges her hand with her face, turning just enough to kiss her palm before meeting her gaze. Green eyes, piercing emeralds that always manage to look right through her, leaving her incredibly exposed, utterly naked every time, in which transpire the same deep sentiment that she has seen a glimpse of earlier, floating into those depths among the flecks of gold swimming there.

So much affection.

So much devotion.

All that adoration...

Still there.

Despite everything.

Alex shouldn't look at her like that.

She doesn't feel worthy of that look. And yet she still hoped to find it there. Because she doesn't know what she would do if Alex stopped looking at her like that.

A knot tightens in her throat, and a sob catches there at the sharp stab of that knowledge, and the first tears of the ones she has been trying to keep at bay earlier in the chapel during her rant, finally fall.

"Pipes?" Alex leans back on one elbow, a bit alarmed, concern soft but as audible in her voice as it is in her slightly furrowed brow and in her searching gaze.

Piper shakes her head, closes her eyes and sucks her lips into her mouth as she takes a shuddering deep breath before opening her eyes again to meet the infinite green lakes staring back at her.

She just can't understand how...

 _How..._

"How can you still love me?"

Her voice cracks. It's hard to even just think it, and it's almost unbearable to let it out in the open.

But she needs to know. She keeps wondering how. How it's possible after all she has done, after turning her back on her, abandoning her, breaking her heart one too many times, that Alex still feels as strongly about her as she did all these years ago when they were together, carefree and so deeply in love that it hurt.

It still hurts.

So beautifully.

But once that question is out, Alex just smiles at her, soft and earnest, and deflates like she understands, like she already knows. Like she expected it or had felt that same question trapped under the brick that was pressing down on her chest.

Another tear falls down the side of her face and Alex reaches out, wiping it away with the pad of her thumb, and with the same tenderness and affection and devotion reflected into her eyes, she whispers her answer.

The only answer.

The one that has the lightness of inevitability and same winding weaving destiny of cosmic will that they have discussed just this morning in her bunk.

"I don't think I've ever had a choice."

There.

And somehow, under the fear, the unworthiness, and lingering guilt, Piper expected- hoped, for nothing else than those same words. Because is how she has always felt as well.

The urge to kiss her with everything she is, takes over every fiber of her being.

So she does.

She leans forward and kisses Alex until there is no longer apology on her lips.

Until her tears have dried up, until the knot in her chest has come lose as Alex takes the rest of the guilt away, a piece at the time, carefully, without tearing up the rest of her, telling her that she has already forgiven her.

And while Piper is not sure if she will ever be able to forgive herself for not being there for Alex when she most needed her, she thinks that maybe, maybe Alex has enough forgiveness for the both of them.

They kiss until they know they are going to be late for count time, until their lips are swollen and tingling.

They kiss until all they can feel is that same pulsing core of the love that so inevitably, with a force bound to the Universe itself, keeps bringing them together.

* * *

 **There :) They made it back together in the best way they know how to reconnect with each other :) Like I said, if you have prompts up until the fourth season but not further, feel free to send a PM. Thanks** **for reading everyone :)**


End file.
